“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, our little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves.”
~ James Hollis
The Work that Reconnects
Years ago, when I was first studying permaculture, I came across Joanna Macy, a highly regarded environmental activist, author, and scholar. She is best known for her social and personal change project called The Work that Reconnects (also, if you are wondering if you’re too old or it’s too late, it’s worth noting that Joanna began her studies in Buddhism and systems theory in her 50’s as a mother of 3, and now at 95 years, has had an important and impactful career spanning almost 50 years!)
I’ve been on the search for frameworks that can add to our understanding of our experience as women in midlife. One that I love is Joanna Macy’s ‘three stories’. She uses this approach to teach about what is currently happening in the world. I have modified her three stories approach to provide a narrative framework for reflecting on our midlife experience.
Story 1: Life as usual
These are the patterns, roles, identities, and ‘ways of being’ that describe what our life has been/is like. Some of this is of our own design, and some of it has been given to us by our culture, experience, conditioning, circumstance, and the people in our lives. What is your Life as Usual story?
Story 2: The Unravelling
Unravelling describes our experience when our relationship with Life as Usual changes. We may have a sense of things coming apart or needing to come apart. We may experience unravelling in our families, our bodies, our work, our relationships, our well-being, and our sense of ourselves and our place in the world.
Our experience of unravelling is varied and complex. It can create a sense of loss, like when a needle slips and a knitting project falls apart, or healing, like when we intentionally unravel an old, damaged sweater and use the wool to create something new and beautiful. Unravelling can also be disorienting and disruptive when it happens in unexpected ways.
What is your story of unravelling? Is there a metaphor for unravelling that reflects your experience? What does unravelling look like in your life?
Story 3: The turning
The Turning is our response to the unravelling. It allows us to envision and build a new way of being. The turning is where we find hope, meaning, and reconnection. What are you turning toward? What are you turning away from? What is your experience of turning? In our course on midlife, we will continue writing the story of turning.
I hope this three-story framework provides a new and meaningful way to reflect on your midlife experience. I’d be so delighted to hear about any of the stories or thoughts that emerged from this.
